The Next Step

In my amazing husband’s last post, he spoke eloquently about goal setting and the importance of goals. I would like to continue his train of thought by talking about how important it is to keep that goal in front of you, always fresh in your mind, always ready to do what it takes to accomplish that goal, no matter how hard or inconvenienced you may become.

About a month before Alan died, we sat down and had an important talk on what we wanted our life to look like; What our goals were as a couple. And among the many things we wrote on our board, I would like to share the most important one…so important we wrote a BIG blue box around it. In the box, it simply stated: “live a life of significance.”

Alan and I always spoke of changing the world together…of being light in the darkness together. We spoke about this from our “just friends days”, to the many retreat and world youth day experiences, to our more recent adventures in building our business and building other people together. We had a heart to go make a difference everywhere we went. And this passion of ours flavoured everything we did.

It also helped us choose when to say yes and when to say no. When making decisions, we would try to hold it up against our goals and discuss “Will this bring us closer or further to our goals?Does this go in line with what we stand for?” With both of us being naturally indecisive, doing this helped us immensely.

So if you haven’t yet answered for yourself the questions that Alan posed in the previous post, do it now…or for sure SOON! And don’t forget to write them down 🙂 Then know that you took your first steps in achieving your goals & living your life on purpose!! Hooray!

The next step is to choose a single, clearly defined goal and courageously concentrate on it everyday.

Think about [your goal] in a cheerful, relaxed, positive way each morning when you get up, and immediately you have something to work for…something to get out of bed for…something to live for. Look at it every chance you get during the day and just before bed at night. And as you look at it, remember that you must become what you think about, and since you’re thinking about your goal, you realize that soon it will be yours. In fact, it’s really yours the moment you write it down and begin to think about it.

— Earl Nightingale, The Strangest Secret

When we consistently focus on our goals and our future, nothing can prevent us from attaining them. If we don’t attain a goal, we either lost focus or gave up before we got to our destination. But every obstacle that comes our way is just a chance to show our determination, and a chance to get stronger in our journey to victory!

When I first found our Alan was gone, it felt like the life and path we were forging together got slapped upside the head, leaving me stunned and confused! Now that some of the stars have dissipated, i obviously have to make the time to redefine my goals and to do more soul searching on what I now want my future to look like. Many of our goals and dreams still hold true, just the path to get there is very hazy.

But the one that definitely still holds is my desire to live a life of significance.

The past three weeks of my life has been the biggest storm I have ever faced. There have been many a times when I had to grab a hold of what was in front of me for fear that I will pass out or faint. I miss Alan with a depth and a sorrow that I can never express in words.

But amidst this tragedy and loss, I find comfort in knowing that many people have been impacted in a positive way. That in his death, Alan continues to elevate others and continues to make a difference in this world. I have received so many emails and messages regarding how people have been inspired to reflect on their lives, write their goals down and live more purposefully. Messages from couples choosing to love each other more deeply and unselfishly. Messages from people who now think to themselves “what would Alan do?” (WWAD….this one makes me chuckle….but before some of you think that’s blasphemy, Alan constantly did think of WWJD…so I guess it’s almost the same thing! 🙂

I want to end this post with a thought I had one morning that has helped me endure the past 3 weeks. When I focus on the greater good that has come out of this tragedy and I focus my eyes on God and His will and plan for me, I feel like the apostle Peter doing the miraculous of walking on water. But when I focus on the water, and the waves, and the wind of this storm, just like Peter i begin to sink…but I never allow myself to sink into despair. I throw myself a small pity party, have only a couple appies, cry the tears that must come out, then pick myself up, refocus, and choose to walk on water once more.
Thank you all for journeying with me on my next steps! I would love to hear how you are doing! Feel free to FB me or email me at Alan.desilva@gmail.com.
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9 thoughts on “The Next Step

  1. Thank you Renee for the beautiful message…you are precious and you are an amazing mother to Gabe & Anji!

  2. Words I needed to hear tonight. Feel like I’m sinking and yet I’m going through a very small thing compared to you. Your family is in my prayers tonight. Thank you for helping me look beyond my small circumstance to the bigger picture. God bless you as you cling to Him. Moment by moment and step by step and day by day He will continue to sustain you.

  3. Renee, you are an inspiration. This post is so wonderfully written and insightful: I am so glad you are continuing Alan’s blog! I look forward to continue hearing from you.

  4. This is wonderful, Renée! I love that you are continuing Alan’s blog and loved the part of Peter walking on the water.

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